Every Friday, this blog will re-post a letter to the editor of the “Crest Top Chronicle” newspaper, to provide a platform for voices from the community concerning some of the real issues raised by the short film “Dead Votes Society.” This week: local retiree Cookie Del Rio.
In response to the letter printed on Aug. 17th from my opponent in the Mayoral election, Mandela Goldfarb: oh come off your high horse, ya buck nekkid weirdo. I’m sick and tired of all these folks using loaded words like “freedom” and “inalienable rights” while they’re trying to push for giving zombies the vote. I mean, come on people, they’re DEAD. As in NOT ALIVE. Just because they’re up and walking around don’t mean we gotta let em vote. Heck, if that was the criteria, we’d give the vote to cats. I don’t know about you, but that ain’t the kind of America I want to live in.
Besides, all this “freedom” talk obscures the real issue. That is, the very real threat of rampant undead voter fraud. To Mr. Goldfarb and all others who blindly support this measure, I’d suggest they actually read the dang thing. I have, and nowhere in there are any provisions to verify that these are in fact American zombies we’re giving the vote to willy nilly. Heck, a zombie could have died anywhere. I have it on good authority that many of these smelly, slobbering walking piles of rot have been smuggled onto our shores from a certain European country. I ain’t gonna say which one because that always gets me in trouble, but you ever notice how zombies smell exactly like corned beef and cabbage that’s been left out in the sun? Draw your own conclusions from that.
In short, I say, show me the death certificate and then maybe I’ll consider letting you vote here, O’Malley. Otherwise, go back to Dublin. I think Abraham Lincoln said it the best when he said: “Freedom’s all good and proper, but heck you gotta draw the line somewheres.”
COOKIE DEL RIO is a life-long resident of Crest Top, host of the popular “Senior Moments” radio program on KCRT Crest Top community radio, as well as the only living member of the “Arizona for Arizonans” political party, founded in 1898. The views expressed here are hers alone and do not reflect those of the administrators of this blog or in fact of anyone, anywhere, ever.