MONEY TALKS


Every Friday, this blog will re-post a letter to the editor of the “Crest Top Chronicle” newspaper, to provide a platform for voices from the community concerning some of the real issues raised by the short film “Dead Votes Society.” This week: late night DJ Johnny Knight.

Am I the only one who’s noticed that the secret messages contained in dollar bills have been getting really strange recently? The holographic runes and magnetic strip back-masking used to be just routine coded communications between the Secret World Government and their sponsors on Planet 19. You know, the normal things you’d expect to find on the currency.

Then, just last week, I intercepted a $5 bill when I got my change back down at the Coffee Hoss. Viewing the bill under the ultraviolet microscope I bought on E-Bay, the Lincoln Monument statue on the back had been quite clearly replaced by one of Bob Denver from TV’s “Gilligan’s Island.” (I was going to bring the bill on my radio program to show the world, but I was informed that most people can’t see radio. Which is weird. I can see radio. It’s pretty.) The meaning of this is clear to anyone who has the understanding. We’re still on the island. The three hour tour is still happening.

No phones. No lights. No motorcars. Not a single luxury. Like Robinson Crusoe. As primitive as can be.

Is your spine tingling? I know mine is.

Like any good journalist, I sought confirmation. The latest batch of knock-knock jokes on Bazooka gum wrappers tell much the same story . . . when you look at them in a mirror. Knock Knock. Who’s there? Nobody. No, there’s somebody there, I heard you knock.  Nope, nobody here . . . except maybe the Thurston Howell Commission.

            Of course, there are dangers to this type of work. The magnetic strip contained within the bills has a tamper detection system that alerts the government’s new invisible helicopters. It’s true. They follow you wherever you go now. But I know the secret. If you line your pockets with aluminum foil, it throws off their tracing devices. Ha ha, You’re not getting my money, Mr. Obama Bobama Banana-fana-fobama. Especially not my prized $0 bill. (It has MY picture on it!)

            Despite the risk, you can see how I prefer to get my information this way rather than relying on the lamebrain media. Just yesterday I read something in the newspaper about how zombies are walking in the streets demanding the right to vote.

            That’s just crazy.

JOHNNY KNIGHT was one of the top-ranked professional bowlers of the 1990’s, until being struck by lightning six times set him on his current career path as “the truthiest truth-teller on the airwaves.”  The views expressed here are his alone and do not reflect those of the administrators of this blog or in fact of anyone, anywhere, ever.